Catch 22
by stmpunklizzie
Summary: Pre-books, Post-Marauder school era, set in that moment right before Harry or Draco are born...Narcissa Malfoy has been given a task she is unsure she can complete. Narcissa, Lucius, Bellatrix and even Sirius has come along for the ride.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Catch 22

Characters: Narcissa, Lucius, Bellatrix, Sirius (OF COURSE!)

Setting: Pre-books. Post-school Marauder era. That little in between space before Harry or Draco were born…

Plot: As the first wizard war intensifies, Narcissa Malfoy is given a task she may not be able to complete…

Rating: T to be safe.

- I listened to _Clair De Lune_ by Jean-Yves Thibaudet while writing this first chapter. Sad and yet debonair, I thought it captured the mood of Narcissa and her lifestyle quite well. The melody somehow recalls a not so distant past, where things were better…

- NONE of this is mine, unless I am temporarily insane and claiming to be supreme ruler over everything…which hasn't happened for awhile but you never know.

Catch 22

Chapter 1

She couldn't bring herself to think about the idea, it repulsed her so. It was completely wrong, no matter what crimes had been committed. Sure they were on opposite sides, they always had been. Even back in school they were in rival houses and, aside from the occasional prank, she had never wished the girl ill. A small smile briefly touched her face as the memory of a messy breakfast with raised tempers, talking cutlery, dung bombs and bacon entered her mind. How angry Bella had been, how hilarious Sirius looked…but now…now what was being asked, no, _demanded_ of her…it was simply something she might not be able to achieve.

Alone in the huge drawing room of the Malfoy manor, Narcissa stared off into space, lost in memories that overwhelmed her senses. Truly, her days at Hogwarts were always in her thoughts. Simpler times. When all she needed to worry on was her grades, how to dodge her sister Bellatrix's rants, how to evade Lucius once again, how to lure Sirius back into the beloved Black family. Easier times. Cissy thought on those days often, even more so since the violence had escalated and names, familiar names were almost daily being reported in obituaries. Was this the way to achieve unity among wizards? The Dark Lord certainly thought so. In the beginning, following Voldemort was a family decision, and one must never sway from their good opinion. To do so was madness, family was always first in her heart. It was the main reason why she had continued to fight for Sirius' reinstatement in the family, much to both his mother's and his disgust. It was the main reason that Narcissa had given into her fathers wishes to marry Lucius. How ironic that 'family first' was now the reason she should find herself in this predicament.

Far off, she heard the echoes of Lucius shoes on the marble floor. He would soon reach his study and close the door, making things seem peaceful in their home. Matters were far from peaceful between Lucius and herself though. The request of Narcissa's proof of loyalty had been passed down just days ago. Proof of loyalty or consequences would be dealt. Lucius was not afraid of the consequences the Dark Lord threatened with because he did not waiver in his belief that Narcissa would do whatever Voldemort would request. She had fought it with every ounce of strength she had. How would she be able to look at herself in a mirror again? How would she be able to one day raise a child in a world that forced someone to do this? How would she teach them about being just and fair when their own mother…

The look of superiority in her husband's eyes as he had ordered her to sign the parchment that sealed her role in the matter still chilled her. She had refused to sleep in their bed since then and considered making the change a permanent one. An arranged marriage was something Narcissa had bent to, but with the understanding that Lucius believed in an equal footing between man and wife. She had been sure that love would develop over time, yet the closer her husband drew himself to Voldemort, the more distant their relationship became. And the fact that he was allowing Voldemort to use her own family as leverage against Narcissa was heart breaking.

Standing, sighing, Narcissa slowly walked towards the tall windows that lined the north wall of the room. During winter months, this was her favorite place. The room was cooler than the rest simply because of the large glass panels that fit within the large wooden frames. You could feel the cold seeping in through the glass, breath became visible if you sat at the window bench long enough. The cool winter air had always been calming to her. Crisp days at Hogwarts would mean a nice long walk in solitude because no one would want to face the harsh temperatures with her. Her long pale hair, ivory complexion, thin frame…Andromeda had once told her that she would make a perfect ice queen with her looks. Narcissa smirked at the memory, the snow falling around them in the Hogwarts courtyard. Of course her estranged sister had meant something else entirely. The words had cut her deeply that day, and they were the last words her sister had given her since then. No matter the letters or attempts to bring her home, Andromeda was gone from the family tree forever, as was Sirius. Closing her eyes, tears began to softly drop down her cheeks. Her family, even if they had separated themselves from everyone, they were still family…How would she accomplish her goal? Prove her loyalty to keep them safe?

How was she going to kill Marlene McKinnon?


	2. Chapter 2

- The thoughts and plots _MIGHT_ be mine. The characters are not.

Chapter 2

Set in motion

"What are you doing?" Lucius leaned against the door frame and watched as his wife jumped at his voice. Her beautiful pale blonde hair was woven in a tight bun on top of her head with wisps playing around her face…typically a sign that she was too occupied with her thoughts to be bothered with the long strands. She looked at him and his breath caught. It still amazed him that she was his wife. Her eyes lingered on his for a few silent moments and then she turned from him and slumped back into the couch she was sitting on.

"Thinking."

"Need I ask about what?" Lucius walked slowly over to her, a frown creasing his brow. The only reply he received was a sigh and her lovely eyes rolling in sarcasm. Lucius moved next to her and sat on the edge of the table that set in front of the couch. Placing his hands on her knees, he lowered his voice. "There is no need to think about it my pet, it needs to happen." Cissy sat up and brushed his hands off of her knees.

"Why Lucius! It doesn't NEED to happen!"

"You were asked to prove your loyalty, pet. This will happen."

Narcissa let her temper loose as she stood and moved towards the fireplace. Feeling her cheeks flush, she knew she should just remain silent and work things out on her own, but it was _his_ mistake coming in the room

"I have never been disloyal! Why now? What has happened to make him doubt my devotion to our cause?" she turned and glared at Lucius. "Unless I am paying for something you have done…"

Lucius sighed and stood slowly, not wanting another fight, not wanting any of the stress that had been occurring in his life lately. He didn't want her to have to carry out the task, but the alternative was too much for him to bear.

"Come now dearest. You know there have been moments when you have been less than supportive of the plans the dark lord has laid out. He simply wants to…"

"Less than supportive?" Cissy interrupted heatedly. "I support removing all Half-breeds and Mud-bloods from the ministry…from any position of power! I agree that Pure-blood families deserve different treatment than those of lesser breeding! I agree that…"

"I KNOW all of this Narcissa!" Lucius shouted, annoyed at this repetitive conversation. "But there are other things!"

"That I don't believe we should have to kill anyone to get these things? You used to agree with me on that! Damn it Lucius!" Cissy turned from him and glared into the fire. They were both silent for a long time before Narcissa spoke with a bit more calm to her voice. "What other things?"

"Your family." Lucius replied just as softly. It was a sore spot between them. He still couldn't fathom why she would want to continue the hopeless struggle of regaining those blood traitors into her family. He should be her family now. She still had her sister. Were they not enough?

"My family." Cissy echoed back with a sigh. She rubbed her neck, feeling the tension constrict her muscles. Looking at Lucius, she pleaded with her eyes, begged for his understanding. "Lord Voldemort has my family on his side. I am on his side. I _chose_ Lucius, whether you think I did or not. I have chosen to be here."

"Even while Andromida and Sirius…"

"Don't do this." Cissy sighed forcefully.

"He has heard of your meetings with them! Cissy, for the love of Merlin's Beard! Do you know how RIDICULOUS I look standing in front of the council defending your actions?"

"I have never asked you to def…"

"I AM YOUR HUSBAND!" Lucius spat out the words, almost reaching for his wand to show her how angry he really was. She flinched at his arm movement, no doubt remembering the one other time he had…closing his eyes, taking a deep breath he resumed his speech only when he felt he wouldn't harm her. "I am your husband Narcissa. Why wouldn't I defend you?"

Cissy turned from Lucius yet again, aware of the fact that he would never curse her while her back was turned. It offered her only a small reassurance that she would be safe for the moment. But she was on a dangerous path. She had made him angry enough in the past to lash out at her.

"He has the unyielding affections of Bellatrix. Isn't that enough to show that our family is dedicated?"

"You have no clue do you?" Lucius looked at Narcissa incredibly as he sunk onto the couch. "You are still so blinded by your naivety. Even back in school..."

"About what? Bellatrix?" Cissy walked to across the room in the stillness and watched Lucius carefully. His eyes closed, he leaned back and suddenly looked so old and worn.

"The dark lord trusts no one. Everyone is under suspicion. Your sister reassures him in a way I never would let you." Lucius opened his eyes and locked his dark gaze with his wife. "Rodolphus would love nothing more than for your sister to give Voldemort an heir to his throne. It would be the ultimate sacrifice. But I couldn't…Cis…please…"

Narcissa sank onto the table across from Lucius with her mouth agape. Bellatrix and…she was '_reassuring him in a way that I would never let you_.' Carefully, slowly she placed a delicate hand on her husband's knee, shocked at this news. She truly hadn't known. She thought it was her sisters own twisted obsession not anything more.

"How long?" her voice was only a whisper.

"Awhile. At least a year if not more." Lucius replied back.

"But he doesn't love her."

"He loves no one Narcissa."

"And proof of my loyalty is either killing or…that?"

"There are other things. Those are the best ways…it could be worse."

Narcissa withdrew her hand and lowered her eyes. How did they get here? Was the goal really worth it?

"I love you Narcissa. I wouldn't have pledged you to this task if I did not believe that you wouldn't be able to do it." He leaned forward and took her face in his hands. She felt the tears come and for one of the few times in her married life, she allowed Lucius to see the tears fall down her face.

"Lucius. She's not even a mud-blood! McKinnon's family is well known…"

"Well known for being on the wrong side."

"And what of Severus?" Cissy pulled away from his touch and sat straight, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Will he be disposed of in the end despite his loyalties? Simply because…"

"Why are you even thinking this through Narcissa? It is your questions that have put you in this position. Your questions and your continued connection with those who have chosen the wrong path! That is all there is to this! You weren't close to McKinnon in school…" Cissy snorted as her face became full of disbelief and disgust at his words.

"Just because we weren't giggly school girls together means that I should be able to end her life?"

"Should I ask for the assignment to be changed? Your sister is going to go after the Longbottoms…you haven't met Alice or Frank have you? Does that make it better? The dark lord wants the Potters…You always used to blame James for Sirius' downfall…" Lucius had venom in his voice, his eyes flashing dangerously as he spoke to Narcissa. "I have had enough of this conversation Narcissa. This is the way it is. There are always casualties in war and times of change. But what we are doing is for the betterment of all wizards. This is the part you will play. End of story."

"And if I can't?"

"There is no can't, pet. You will do this."

C22C22C22C22C22C22C22

Narcissa sat in the small café the next morning, her face hidden behind a book, her hair wrapped up and covered in by a dark green scarf. She was wearing sunglasses which helped her to appear as if she was absorbed in her novel while scanning the patrons in the small space and the people who would walk by its windows. Sure that she hadn't been followed, her only stop on the way to the coffee shop was to send an owl off with an urgent message. Lucius hadn't questioned her leaving, he probably still hadn't noticed that she had gone. Despite his show of concern and her display of emotion the previous evening, they still slept alone and he hadn't yet risen when she slipped out of the house. She had cast several charms on herself as she had begun walking across the street from their home and into the park that was on the other side. Each one was a little more powerful than the last, each one made her more paranoid that she would be followed or traced, that she would be punished for what she was about to do.

'_He has heard of your meetings' _Lucius had accused last night. Well this would be the last, she had known it when she made up her mind to leave this morning. It would be the last time she would ever contact him. The last time she would warn him. Then she would be able to move forward with a clean conscience. Somehow, during her restless night, she had convinced herself that if she were to warn him, then no matter what played out, it wouldn't be her fault.

Feeling ill suddenly for the second time that morning, Narcissa put her book down and hurried to the bathroom, trying to avoid touching as many muggles as she could. Why she couldn't have had him come to the park…but a crowd was better. Being in a crown of non-wizards…better yet. The war had spilled into their lives too, but more subtly. Voldemort had no use for muggle spies, only mud-bloods who he would dispense of after their usefulness had gone. Cissy barely made it into the stall before she threw up.

_Much better here_ she thought as she bent over the porcelain, _than behind a tree in the park._ Her nerves were worn thin, or perhaps a slight illness was creeping over her, whatever the reason, the queasy feeling left her as suddenly as it had come.

Flushing the toilet, fixing her lipstick in the mirror, Cissy hoped she hadn't missed him. To her relief and surprise, she saw him sitting at her table as she made her way back through the crowd.

"Sirius." Cissy slid into her chair and slid off her glasses. Her cousin looked thinner than the last time they had met, months ago. But his eyes still sparkled, his smile still dazzled. _Still a Black_, she thought.

"Cissa, how wonderful it was to receive your owl this morning…" a young woman stepped up to the table and set a large cup of coffee in front of Sirius. He smiled in thanks and Narcissa thought the girl was going to faint right then and there. Chuckling, Cissy shook her head as the young woman stumbled away.

"That's not very nice you know. Dazzeling them that way." Cissy sipped her tea and put her book away. Sirius smiled wider and lifted his eyebrows.

"I didn't do anything!" he smirked. "Besides, my charms are saved for Elizabeth…" Cissy coughed to cover her laughter then turned somber, remembering the reason she called him here. He always had a way of distracting her.

"Sirius, I need you to…there is something that…" closing her eyes, Cissy took a deep breath. When she opened them, he was staring at her with concern. This man, her cousin, after all they had fought over, he was still concerned. It pained her to know that she would have to sever all ties to him, to have to give up on seeing him returned to his family, but it was the only way to keep the both of them, to keep everyone safe.

"You and I are on different paths right now." She began again.

"We always have been Cissy." He interrupted softly. She nodded her agreement and continued.

"But that doesn't mean that I want harm to come to you. To anyone really. We might believe different things but…" clutching at her stomach again, Narcissa cursed silently. Was she so nervous about warning Sirius and his friends that she was making herself ill?

"Narcissa?" Sirius reached his hand across the table. "What's wrong?"

"I think I may be catching cold." Narcissa smiled and waved away his gesture. "I'm fine."

"Not pregnant?" Sirius smirked. Narcissa went pale as his words hit her. _Was she?_ Laughing to cover up the thought, Cissy shook her head no.

"Really, I'm fine…but your friends…you…Oh Sirius, you have to tell them to go into hiding." It all gushed out suddenly, and a bit louder than she would have liked. A few muggles close to the table looked quickly at her then resumed their own quiet conversations.

"Why Cis? What's going on?" Sirius leaned in, worry on his face.

"You know I would never hurt…"

"Yes, Narcissa. Of all our different views, I realize that you wouldn't. But when you say my friends…is it ALL of us or…" the tears came on suddenly, like the nausea. Her emotions hijacked her senses and she was crying before she knew what was going on. Sirius handed her a napkin and took her hand in his. "I haven't seen you cry since Regulus broke that statue you made…"

"McKinnons, Potters and Longbottoms." Cissy pulled her hand away and dabbed at her eyes and cheeks. It was hard enough to do this without his sympathy. Couldn't he just be hard as stone like Lucius… "There may be more, but those names I know for sure. I have to go Sirius. This is the last time…" Narcissa looked into his brown eyes and new tears sprung fresh in her own. She stood, her cup clattering as she bumped the table with her sudden movement. Sirius stood with her, offering her a hand to steady herself. "This is the last time I can meet with you, Sirius. They don't…I have to prove my loyalty and meeting with you or Andromeda is not helping." Moving away from him, not taking his hand, Narcissa slipped her sun glasses back on. She tried not to linger on his face or to memorize the sadness she saw.

"Please, Cissy. Just sit." he gestured to her now empty chair.

"Say hello to Andy. Tell Elizabeth that she needs her head checked to still be with you." Narcissa tried to laugh and stepped back as Sirius began to reach for her, his face etched with worry. "Please remember what I've told you." She had to leave now or she might not...pausing at the door, looking at him for a long moment, thier gazes locked as she whispered, "Take good care of yourself."

Turning quickly, Narcissa left the café and did not look back. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she made her way to the park, stopping only to throw up again behind a tree. Even after closing the door to her home, shutting the world out behind her, Narcissa felt ill. She had done what she had set out to do. Now it was up to fate, whatever played out. So why did she feel no relief?


	3. Chapter 3

Listening to Madame De Pompadour from the Doctor Who Season 2 soundtrack. It is mainly a sad yet dignified piano piece. Please seek it out if you have not heard it. It is not necessary to be as obsessed with Doctor Who as I am to appreciate the talents of Murray Gold.

…Oh yea…The title and last sentence are from Doctor Who too. A million cookies if anyone knows when they are said!

Catch22 - Chapter 3

All My Love to Long Ago

It had been a horrible fight. The reflection that stared back at her did not look any better than two days ago, in fact it looked worse. The bruise that moved from her left temple to her cheekbone was a sickly green with hints of purple, barely concealed with makeup. The throbbing had subsided but was still present, a constant reminder of the consequence her husband had dealt her. She closed her eyes as nausea washed over her forming a thin veil of perspiration over her skin, trying to repress the need to empty the contents of her stomach. Two days.

"_Where have you been this morning?" His eyes danced with anger as he steadily moved towards her. "Don't you dare lie to me Narcissa"_

Maybe it had been the pressure she felt she was under. Perhaps the sickness she had been dealing with. Or the sharp pain in her heart that had not retreated since she had left Sirius in that muggle coffee shop. But she had made the mistake of testing him.

"_I needed a few things from the market, you know how I detest muggle crowds and it is such a lovely day…"_

His wand had flown up so fast she hadn't the time to react. The pain was so intense she saw stars burst behind her eyelids and sank to the floor as her knees gave out. Yet as quickly as the pain came, it had left. Narcissa shook her head clear. Two days. The events contained in those 48 hours had changed her, changed the kind of woman she was. The knowledge contained in those two days would have been enough to change anyone. Or maybe she just gave in…

"_Now, pet. Where have you been this morning?"_

"_Lucius…please…"_

It was then that he had hit her, in her moment of begging, of catching her breath.

"_You saw him! That traitor cousin of yours! Did I not tell you that the council…that the Dark Lord himself…" Lucius was close, his loud voice ringing in her ears. "And you come back here to LIE to me?"_

She was lucky really. Gulping in air, waiting for the ill feeling to pass, Narcissa reminded herself that she was lucky. It could have been worse. But the path she had been so intent on fighting against was an impossible one to leave now. If her loyalty to her family…to the family she was going to start meant anything to her…

"Cissy?"

Narcissa flinched as she heard her sisters voice call out from the other side of the closed door.

"One moment Bella"

"Lucius said…is it true that I am going to be an aunt?"

Sighing, Narcissa stared at her reflection intensely. An aunt...yes. And her, a mother…a mother who would do anything to raise her child…to keep them safe…

"Cissy?" Bellatrix's voice was growing impatient. Of course Lucius told everyone. He needed some reason to explain why his wife looked ill. Why she ran off when they should all be celebrating. Of course it wasn't what she had just done…had chosen to do. She is just experiencing morning sickness…at eleven at night. Her sisters whine through the door was loud enough for Narcissa to snap back to reality and open the blasted thing. She was hit with the force of a huge hug and Bellatrix's squeal in her ear.

"It's true?" Bella looked into her sisters eyes for proof. Narcissa smiled politely and nodded as she was enveloped into another bone crushing hug. Eventually she peeled her sister off of her and went back to the sink, turning the cold water on to splash some on her face.

"How wonderful! We will have to have a toast!" Narcissa froze as she looked at her sister behind her in the mirror. In the fuss Bella had made upon her opening of the door…

"Bella…" Narcissa could barely find her voice. All of the images from only moments earlier flooded her mind. The screams…the pain of those poor… "Bella, you have some…some…" Bellatrix's confused stare turned into a manic grin as she peered at her own reflection.

"Spoils of the battle I guess." Slowly she moved next to Narcissa and wiped the spots of blood from her face with dampened fingers.

_Whose blood would it be? Which one? There were so many dead in the McKinnon house tonight…_

"We should go Cissy. The Dark Mark has been set." Bella spoke so calmly for a woman who was wiping the blood of another off of her face. And is this what she would become to? Her choice of family…for her family…it had been coming for some time now but… Slowly the sisters turned to one another. With a wide grin, Bella reached for a towel and wet it with the still running water. Placing a firm grip on her sisters chin, she turned Narcissa's face and began wiping at something just below her ear. Her knees felt week as the cries of Marlene rang through her head once again, a sound she was sure she would never get rid of.

"There we are Cis. All better." Taking her sisters hand, Narcissa let herself be led out of the McKinnon bathroom. Stepping over a few prone bodies, she was unsure how she had made it into the small closet of a room without noticing them before. At the end of the hall Lucius and the others waited. He reached for her and smiled graciously before kissing her on the forehead.

"My wife. I am so proud of you." She smiled automatically but felt no pride for him in return. Her only pride now would be in raising their child.

"We need to toast! The happy couple!" The small group stood around and cheered. They cheered among the rubble and ruin, dead bodies and dark magic. Lucius tightened his grip around her waist and Narcissa remembered to smile at them all. "To days to come!" the group chorused together and made for the door, laughing and clapping each other on the back. Narcissa stepped over Marlene McKinnon without looking back. It was her choice, and she would never look back again. As Lucius kissed her cheek, right next to her healing bruise, she smiled at him and repeated the toast in a whispered voice.

"To days to come…"

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Would love to know if you liked it! Anonymous reviews now accepted (I really don't know how I had turned it off…)


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